Now that I'm finally all caught up in the blogging world...
My neck-I've had a few people ask how it's doing. Every time I think it's doing better it decides that it's not. It seems to lately be draining every day. I'm 4 weeks out from surgery on Tuesday, and have done a round of antibiotics for staph. Appointment on Wednesday up at OHSU so we'll see what he says about it.
John-totaled his truck on Thursday. Bummer. But in a way it's good. He's gotten lazy since we got the truck two years ago. The first year that we lived here he walked the mile to the park and ride to catch the bus nearly every day. And he had no problem doing it, and he felt great. Then he got the truck and got spoiled to where if he did need to take the bus from Salem instead of driving to Tualatin it was sort of as if the end of the world was coming. This will be good for him-and it will be nice to drop a bit in insurance costs and save the $55/wk he was paying in gas. His bus pass is only $55/month so it's a pretty significant savings!
School-the girls are doing fantastic with school. I feel like we've finally settled into a sort-of routine. Keira loves kindergarten and is very much taking after me in terms of being an eager beaver to learn. She is starting to read and is constantly wanting to spell out words. Her writing is improving and she is just all around delighted to be there. Scharae is chugging along with school. I hardly every hear anything happy from her-she focuses on the things that one of her classmates does wrong that day, but at least she's going and having a good time.
We are trying to get to the KROC center (Salvation Army built a huge community rec center here a bit over a year ago) M-F so that I can work out. My deal with the girls is that I will take them swimming on T/Th and they will go to the kids center so I can work out M/W/F. Mostly the deal is in order to sort of force me to go. They love going and ask every day about it.
And beyond that...I just want to give a preemptive apology if I'm a bit MIA as far as phone calls, blogging, and socializing in general go.
Tomorrow is 3 years since Taela was born. I hate Halloween because it sort of marks the beginning of two months of emotional hell for me. Something about the holidays-on top of it being the time of year that she was born and then passed. And then added on top of it is the fact that this year we should be having Aiyana's first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, taking her to meet John's family. I know I have some pretty bitter days ahead of me. And behind me-today was an especially hard day for some reason. Oh wait, I know-it was because of a baby blessing at church. Those always make for hard days for me.
I remember being so full of hope at this time 3 years ago-my water had broke but I hadn't had any contractions, nothing at all to indicate that in 15 hours I would be having an emergency c-section. And then after that, hope again. Taela did so well. She was such a trooper and amazed all of the doctors and nurses. She didn't need the interventions they typically used on babies her size. And then her picc line perforated and all the fluids seeped into her abdomen. They said that if they'd been able to get a line in her arm or head they probably would have known sooner-almost immediately-that it had perfed. But they had to go for a thigh line and that allowed her abdomen to hide the leakage for too long. And just like that. A phone call at 4am like normal updating me, telling me that they'd had to put her on a respirator but that it was normal, most babies her age would have been on one from the get go. Then a call at 11 or 11:30 telling us that we should get up there. Fast. And then having the burden of knowing-picking, even-the hour of our child's decease. All happened so fast. And took me by such a shock. She had been doing well the day before when I'd been there. And then she was just gone.
And now that I've thoroughly depressed my audience I'll bow out and take my leave.
My neck-I've had a few people ask how it's doing. Every time I think it's doing better it decides that it's not. It seems to lately be draining every day. I'm 4 weeks out from surgery on Tuesday, and have done a round of antibiotics for staph. Appointment on Wednesday up at OHSU so we'll see what he says about it.
John-totaled his truck on Thursday. Bummer. But in a way it's good. He's gotten lazy since we got the truck two years ago. The first year that we lived here he walked the mile to the park and ride to catch the bus nearly every day. And he had no problem doing it, and he felt great. Then he got the truck and got spoiled to where if he did need to take the bus from Salem instead of driving to Tualatin it was sort of as if the end of the world was coming. This will be good for him-and it will be nice to drop a bit in insurance costs and save the $55/wk he was paying in gas. His bus pass is only $55/month so it's a pretty significant savings!
School-the girls are doing fantastic with school. I feel like we've finally settled into a sort-of routine. Keira loves kindergarten and is very much taking after me in terms of being an eager beaver to learn. She is starting to read and is constantly wanting to spell out words. Her writing is improving and she is just all around delighted to be there. Scharae is chugging along with school. I hardly every hear anything happy from her-she focuses on the things that one of her classmates does wrong that day, but at least she's going and having a good time.
We are trying to get to the KROC center (Salvation Army built a huge community rec center here a bit over a year ago) M-F so that I can work out. My deal with the girls is that I will take them swimming on T/Th and they will go to the kids center so I can work out M/W/F. Mostly the deal is in order to sort of force me to go. They love going and ask every day about it.
And beyond that...I just want to give a preemptive apology if I'm a bit MIA as far as phone calls, blogging, and socializing in general go.
Tomorrow is 3 years since Taela was born. I hate Halloween because it sort of marks the beginning of two months of emotional hell for me. Something about the holidays-on top of it being the time of year that she was born and then passed. And then added on top of it is the fact that this year we should be having Aiyana's first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, taking her to meet John's family. I know I have some pretty bitter days ahead of me. And behind me-today was an especially hard day for some reason. Oh wait, I know-it was because of a baby blessing at church. Those always make for hard days for me.
I remember being so full of hope at this time 3 years ago-my water had broke but I hadn't had any contractions, nothing at all to indicate that in 15 hours I would be having an emergency c-section. And then after that, hope again. Taela did so well. She was such a trooper and amazed all of the doctors and nurses. She didn't need the interventions they typically used on babies her size. And then her picc line perforated and all the fluids seeped into her abdomen. They said that if they'd been able to get a line in her arm or head they probably would have known sooner-almost immediately-that it had perfed. But they had to go for a thigh line and that allowed her abdomen to hide the leakage for too long. And just like that. A phone call at 4am like normal updating me, telling me that they'd had to put her on a respirator but that it was normal, most babies her age would have been on one from the get go. Then a call at 11 or 11:30 telling us that we should get up there. Fast. And then having the burden of knowing-picking, even-the hour of our child's decease. All happened so fast. And took me by such a shock. She had been doing well the day before when I'd been there. And then she was just gone.
And now that I've thoroughly depressed my audience I'll bow out and take my leave.
Hey Tiff, I have been enjoying reading your updates today! Thanks for keeping us posted! I have been thinking of you and my prayers are with you over the next little while! Hang in there and know that you are loved and thought of!
ReplyDeleteLove Your cousin,
Annette
I know you feel like you are crumbling right now Tiffany, and that's ok. But I see another side of you too. Maybe one you're not recognizing at the moment.
ReplyDeleteI see a woman who is perservering on, in spite of the obstacles that have been thrown in her way. A woman who doesn't let her sadness rule her day to day life. She organizes her home. She dehydrates anything she can think of. Blows her budget at The Container Store. Takes her girls to the pool- and it's not summer time! Is creative and sews... and now is learning a new knitting technique. Serves others at church and around her. Strives to be a kind wife. Finds creative ways for her children to learn. Helps her mom :)
To sum it up, I would say you are a woman of faith. And even a woman of faith can have crumbly days. I hope you know your family is there for you. And I know your many friends are too... as you build your cocoon. We all will be there.
Tif- Thanks for the updates. I have totally been wondering about how you have been. Sorry to hear about John's accident...I assume he is ok since you didn't say anything about him. I also hope you neck gets better soon.
ReplyDeleteAs for this month, your mom totally summed up what I was going to say! Tif you amaze me constantly with your strength and faith. I know this time of the year is hard and you are allowed hard days during the year. The point is that you haven't allowed yourself to have hard days everyday all year. You still fight for life and enjoy life with K and S....and J too! I seriously wish that I was closer so I could come visit/talk to you more, but know that I love you and am here if you need ANYTHING. I understand that you aren't in the mood for talking this month, but when you are up for a chat, call me and we'll catch up! Miss you!
Hang in there and know that we all love you even if there isn't anything we can "do" that will just make it all better...we wish we could.
You and your family are in our prayers. Your sweet little ones will not be forgotten!
ReplyDelete